Beyond Good and Evil: The False Comfort of Either/Or Thinking
Have you ever been to a fast-food restaurant where the staff was surly, your food was wrong, the wait was eternal, and the table still had ketchup crusted to the edge from the last poor soul who sat there? One-star. Bad store. Never going back.
We like neat labels. Good or Bad. It helps us process quickly, categorize efficiently, and move on.
I used to work in fast food, and in one store, we had a plethora of twins. Sharisha and Shanita. James and Tom. Buddy and Bob. According to soap opera lore, there’s always a good twin and an evil one, right?
James was friendly. Tom was a loner.
Buddy and Bob? We called them “Buddy and Baddy.” Buddy did dishes, prep, and jumped into the line when we got slammed. Bob would sneak off to the break room, play practical jokes, maybe sneak in a little weed during breaks.
Sharisha was on time. Shanita was late—even if they came in the same car.
But here’s the thing: put them in the right positions, and magic happened. They worked like a hive mind. Creepy? Yes. Efficient? Absolutely. There wasn’t a faster crew in the franchise.
James on front register. Tom on drive-thru.
Buddy on sandwiches. Bob on grill and fries.
Sharisha on sandwich assembly. Shanita on dining room.
We broke records. People praised our cleanliness and speed. Rarely a wrong order. So was one “good” and one “evil”? Nope. They just had different strengths—and when aligned right, they were unstoppable.
Your baby isn’t broken
New parents quickly fall into this same trap. The first baby? “She’s such a happy baby!” Or… “There goes the banshee again.”
By the time the second baby rolls around, you start playing the compare game. Will this one be like the first or different? (Spoiler: they’re always different—even identical twins.)
My own kids? I had two Fridays, one Tuesday, one Thursday, and a Sunday baby, according to the old rhyme:
Monday’s child is fair of face,
Tuesday’s child is full of grace.
Wednesday’s child is full of woe,
Thursday’s child has far to go.
Friday’s child is loving and giving,
Saturday’s child works hard for a living.
But the child that is born on Sabbath day,
Is bonny and blithe, good and gay.
How alike were they? About as alike as North, South, East, West, and Straight Up.
There are no good babies or bad babies—just babies. Same goes for students, employees, or parents. Most of the time, the problem isn’t character—it’s fit. The person is untrained or in the wrong role.
Failure is not Fatal
The test is not the truth!
Here’s one of the worst false dichotomies: Pass or Fail. I always hated those tests. 70% to pass? 70% of what? What if the 70% that you do know is trivia, and the 30% you missed is the stuff that actually matters? What if the 69% you knew was essential to the work and would make you a rockstar on the job? The test only measures how well you test, and it cannot predict your success on the job.
In many fields—insurance, for example—the exams aren’t measuring knowledge. They’re weeding people out.
I’ve worked in insurance for 25 years. I remember my test vividly: 7 of the 144 questions were about viatical settlements. You know how many of those I’ve seen since then? Zero. But those questions stayed in my memory because they were weird, rare, and totally irrelevant.
Same thing in my Music Appreciation class. Back when vinyl ruled, they’d “drop the needle” and quiz you:
- Name the piece and catalog number.
- Identify the movement.
- When was it composed?
And for no bonus points: What color socks was Mozart wearing?
The tests weren’t designed to see if you loved music. They were there to cull the herd. If 60 kids passed, but there were only 24 chairs for the next class… well, some had to go.
We confuse Pass with Success. But the path to success isn’t a clean fork in the road. It’s more like a minefield. Most of us will experience failures our way forward. We glory in beautiful mistakes because that’s where the growth happens.
Thomas Edison put it best: failure isn’t the opposite of success—it’s the process of discovering what doesn’t work. It’s data. It’s refinement.
Why Black and White doesn’t even exist in space
We’re drawn to extremes—heroes and villains, good and evil, black and white. But reality is much more colorful! How many Shades of Gray are there? Trick question.
White and black is more extreme: light and absence of light. So, surrounded by light, even in the darkest night, you can’t say ANYTHING is black or white. The only place in the universe where there is absolutely no light is in a cave.
If you’ve ever watched a crime drama, you’ve heard the line:
“You don’t understand—I didn’t have a choice!”
As if all decisions are binary. As if humans only ever have one true response.
That’s like handing an artist a box of crayons with only two colors. Or telling a teacher she can only lecture. Or assuming a diver can only do cannonballs.
Life isn’t a multiple-choice test with two options. It’s open-ended. Creative. Messy.
Even Shakespeare’s “To be or not to be” isn’t so clear-cut. There’s a hilarious skit where a parade of actors each emphasize a different word in that line.
“To BE or not to be…”
“To be OR not to be…”
“…that IS the question.”
Then King Charles appears and declares (with royal confidence):
“To be or not to be, that is the QUESTION.”
Everyone applauds. Of course the king is right.
So the next time you find yourself trapped in an either/or moment—good or bad, right or wrong, pass or fail—pause. Then Ask:
Am I seeing the whole picture, or just the easiest one to label?
Because in reality, people are complex. Tests are flawed. And most of life happens somewhere between black and white. And honestly? That’s where the magic lives.
In a technicolor world, black and white are just two of countless shades.
Remember that either/or thinking shrinks your possibilities. When you give yourself more than two options, you give your creativity room to breathe.
And often, that’s where your real story begins–just remember who’s holding the pen.